on borrowed time right now, but have to vent

Hi there. Hope you are doing better than I am.

I am still studying for the bar and this test is so difficult that it is just so depressing to have to deal with it.

And I took an ept this morning. Just one line. Just one infuriating line. So, here I am studying for a test that I could give a shit about while crying in disappointment about something I give a humongoid shit about. And I just have a feeling that, like pregnancy, the bar will say: "oh yeah, you think working hard for it will actually make it happen? Haven't you learned by now? You are a fool."

In the whole time that we have been trying, 5 of my friends have gotten pregnant. The most recent one is due this month.

I am so resentful right now. I resent that I have to take this exam. I resent that my chances of passing are 50%. I resent that we waited before trying to have children. I resent that I thought it was a better idea to get my law degree first. I resent that my body just doesn't want to cooperate. I resent that women are out there who don't know this pain because they got pregnant the very first time of trying. I resent that people are asking us when we're going to start trying.

Well, 5 more days until the exam. And to add insult to injury, my AF is also going to start within those 5 days. This totally sucks.

Sorry I'm such a downer.

coming up for air

My brain is complete and utter jello- so much so that I really can't write a coherent post right now to save my life. That is definitely not good since 2/3 of the bar exam is WRITING essays. Oh well.

So, I had my positive ovulation test last Friday and my 3rd IUI on Saturday. I'm on CD24 right now (my cycle lasts 31 days) and I don't have any pregnancy symptoms yet. Would I have them already if the IUI worked?

I guess the good news is that I don't have any PMS symptoms either and for me, those symptoms can rear their ugly heads as early as CD24. But then again, because this bar exam is so damn stressful, it could mean that my cycle is way off.

The only good thing about this exam is that my days are consumed studying for it, so the two week wait until I can take an ept hasn't been as excruciating. Oh, hey, I guess that's another good thing about this exam...I can actually spell excruciating now.

Anyway, I'll hope I'll have some time to post before the bar exam (which is during the last week of July). If I can't, I'll see y'all after the bar ;)

my life sucks these days

Won't be... posting much...until...the end of the month...Right now...must... study for the bar exam...At this point doesn't look like...I will pass...This blows.

(Quick update -- Had my sonohystogram ultrasound. Doctor said the polyp was tiny and not where they expect implantation to occur so we're not going to do anything about it right now. Took clomid again for 5 days and am just waiting for a positive ovulation test result so that we can go through another IUI. Fun stuff.)