Thursday, July 20, 2006

on borrowed time right now, but have to vent

Hi there. Hope you are doing better than I am.

I am still studying for the bar and this test is so difficult that it is just so depressing to have to deal with it.

And I took an ept this morning. Just one line. Just one infuriating line. So, here I am studying for a test that I could give a shit about while crying in disappointment about something I give a humongoid shit about. And I just have a feeling that, like pregnancy, the bar will say: "oh yeah, you think working hard for it will actually make it happen? Haven't you learned by now? You are a fool."

In the whole time that we have been trying, 5 of my friends have gotten pregnant. The most recent one is due this month.

I am so resentful right now. I resent that I have to take this exam. I resent that my chances of passing are 50%. I resent that we waited before trying to have children. I resent that I thought it was a better idea to get my law degree first. I resent that my body just doesn't want to cooperate. I resent that women are out there who don't know this pain because they got pregnant the very first time of trying. I resent that people are asking us when we're going to start trying.

Well, 5 more days until the exam. And to add insult to injury, my AF is also going to start within those 5 days. This totally sucks.

Sorry I'm such a downer.


Blogger Who's Askin'? said...

wail away girl....that's what we're here for. i do hope that things let up for you soon. it all sounds like a bit too much stress.

unsolicited assvice: be good to yourself. pamper yourself a little bit. might help you feel better.

4:45 PM  
Blogger gaelen said...

thanks for your kind words, Susan. Yep, can't wait for this test to be over. I don't even care if I pass at this point.

I'll be in much better spirits starting next Thursday night =)

8:10 PM  
Blogger srchngformystry said...

maybe this test is causing you so much stress that it is affecting your ability to conceive?

i wish the best for you.

11:58 PM  
Blogger gaelen said...

Yes, that could very well be true...another reason I'm glad the test is now behind me!

I really hope that is the reason...

9:56 AM  

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